Monday, August 29, 2005

My Life at Events with A Lot of People

In the "I don't know why this is news" department we have this account of a shooting of rap mogul Suge Knight. Take note towards the end of one guest's reaction: "I don't think that what happened was any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people," said David Banner. "It's tragic that it happened and that the media magnified this so much."

One of my fondest childhood memories was my 10th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's. All my friends were there and I couldn't wait for the pizza to come so that we could really get partying. As we were waiting for the pizza, a neighborhood kid ran in and shot my best friend Todd. The shooter was aiming for me because I didn't invite him but he was such a lousy shot he got Todd in the butt. Oh well, after the ambulance took Todd away I had a blast because I don't think that what happened was any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people.

Ah. Graduation from High School. Pomp and Circumstance. The goofy robes. The relatives from everywhere, including the Aunt who acts like she is your best friend but you could swear you've never seen her before. The class psycho who takes an Uzi from under their robe and takes out the Abramovich through Barnard row... Oh well, after we quickly reseated after the EMT's were done, the ceremony wasn't bad. Besides, I don't think that what happened was any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people.

One of the joys of young adulthood is being introduced to the honored traditions that our society has developed to honor those we love. The first baby shower I ever went to was my friend Alison's when we just got out of college. Her husband Dennis just landed a great job and everything was going great. Alison and Dennis even got an early start on getting their inheritance when a disgruntled shower guest lost a game of Baby Bingo and used her .45 to settle the score with Alison's mother. Even though I don't think this happens very often in baby showers, I don't think that what happened was any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people.

Is there anyone who doesn't enjoy Superbowl parties? Aren't they the greatest? The weeks of playoff frenzy. The wacky commercials. The food, oh, the food. And the beer. The Bud Light Bowl. The uninvited gangbanger who thinks someone insulted him and pops a few on the way out the door. That's why I try to leave before the fourth quarter, but I don't think that what happens is any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people.

Now that I'm a man of a certain age and living in assisted-living housing I love the things that the local community does for us shut-ins. Christmas can be lonely in the Home, but when the Carolers come around, the joy is infectious. Unfortunately, so is the gunplay when Irene yells that she is sick and tired of good goddamn King Wenceslaus coming out on Christmas Day and lets the Carolers know about it in her own Smith and Wesson way. But I don't think that what happened was any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people.