Monday, November 15, 2004


Associated DePress: Washington D.C.

In a long expected move today, President George Bush has accepted the resignation of Secretary of State Colin Powell. In filling the symbolic post of Ambassador to the World, the Administration will deploy two money saving but effective symbols. To diplomatic functions, official state visits and other venues where the Secretary of State represents the U.S., the administration will deploy a six foot latex hand. Dignitaries from other countries or organizations will be invited to "talk to the hand" in five minute intervals. The dignitaries must not talk to any adults in the room that are going about on official White House business or looting, and will be expected to donate to the Republican National Party in lieu of economic sanctions, invasion or puerile public mockery by the President.

In cabinet meetings, the chair of the Secretary of State will be occupied alternately by a brass spittoon or by the President's highly tooled cowboy boots.

These highly symbolic provisions may only be a stopgap measure however. White House sources indicate that independent Republicans such as Senators John McCain or Arlen Specter are being considered for the highly demeaning and soul destroying post.


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